dark & twisty
so here i am again looking out my window, the view’s a bit different this time, not of the bright blue sea anymore but rather a sparkly - almost white serene lake… i’m listening to Anna Nalick and she’s telling me to breathe… funny because before playing the song i was fine - now… i can hardly breathe.
is it possible that normalcy and contentment is over rated? everything seems to be going as it should. pm’s back to take back some load off work. matel’s here for goodness’ sakes! no reasons to call papa to yelp about silly office stuff… my prayers were once again answered in every way and life is definitely on track. plus my laundry lady is back!
still, my mind wanders (a scary thing to do sometimes). my heart feels like its about to jump out of my chest - like i am still waiting for something, expecting something to happen. and that something should be earth shattering and mind boggling too.
recently i had the opportunity to snoop on a significantly older and accomplished lady’s CV. eek. all i’ve done so far is work with PONs and now prance around on TV like a fool. am i living my life? when alex band says “let’s make the best times of our lives” i can’t help but wonder if i’m doing just that…
now i’m freaking out. what if nothing unbelievably cool happens in my lifetime - more so - to me… am i missing out? or will that be just fine and dandy?
i remember a dialogue with my mom…
Ma, wala ba talagang papasok sa mga butas na yan? (Pointing to the vent in the ceiling)
Kim, para yan sa circulation ng air. Go to sleep. Close your eyes. (She taps on the light and closes the door)
so i lie there awake, alone in my room, psyching myself to go to sleep and constantly repeating to myself that everything is going to be okay.
geez… am i a freak show or what? well i hope you are too. ha!
May 16th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
ok…so i kinda understand what you’re saying… but i do think you’re already pretty accomplished for a twenty something year old living in thailand…which is more than what other people would get in their lifetime… dunno, just a thought, coz i was thinking the exact same thing, but trying to go thru it with an optimist POV…
cheers Kim…at least u have the serene white beach as you look out the window…i actually see cars…pollution…and some goddamn crazy people out mine. ahhaha!
May 17th, 2007 at 12:16 am
thanks oli haha. nagpapa freakshow lang ako for a bit. i’m ready to feed my mind na kasi ata. hint hint gusto ko mag aral ulit.